Nowadays, the standard of life is pretty consuming for patience or at least for my patience. Life seems to revolve so much on what is socially acceptable and what is not, what is “the in thing” based on social media and the latest trend. It’s not something new, we’ve been living in a life where we want to follow a certain trend but I noticed that for the past years of awareness, people seem to live a life that is make believe just because that’s what they see on tv so that’s what they aspire. What a sad life…
Almost everyday, I encounter these “social pressure” and most cases I tend to give a sharp answer or a sarcastic comment and not really care about it. It’s not that I am trying to look like a strong independent woman trying to defy the society’s norms. I just want to live my life based on how I want it and not get so much affected with what is expected of me as a woman in this worsening society. I only have one life to live, so might as well live it and feel every moment of it. Right?!
I feel like ranting about some things. So don’t say I didn’t warn you in advance. 🙂
I recently celebrated my 29th birthday. To me it’s not really a big deal now that I have one year left before I turn 30. I was actually excited about this because in my mind, new adventures awaits me. I was talking to some parents and random people and the conversation went something like this:
P1: Happy birthday, how old are you already?
Me: Thank you, I’m turning 29
P1: Oh not bad, still young. It’s okay, I got married late. You still have time.
Me: Late? What do you mean by late?
P1: Yes, I got married when I was 29.
Me: You call that late?!?!
P2: What’s your plan for your birthday?
Me: Ah I’ll just go to Bali.. Eat as much and probably party
P2: Bali again?! You always travel ya? What a good life! Always enjoying
Me: I travel when I can, while I can and I have time.
P2: You don’t want to get married yet?!
S: Where are you from?
S: Oh nice! Do you have your family here?
Me: Nope, I live alone.
S: Not married?
S: Why?! Have boyfriend?
Me: None too 🙂
S: How old? Should be married already!
Me: No thank you 🙂
Why is everything about getting married?! First of all I hate hearing the word “should” followed by something that is related to social expectations. I find the word “should” a very strong imposing word especially when you are talking about what someone needs to do because that is what is expected.
I don’t personally understand why some people thinks 25 and beyond and you’re not yet married, you are running out of time. People would give me excuses like “when you have baby on your 30’s you will have a hard time” or “have baby while you’re young so you can enjoy them.” Life pattern is something like this: Get married by the age 25-28 and have baby after. WHY?! I don’t understand why we have to put so much pressure with that. I have nothing against getting married and raising a family, my parents set a good example on what married and family life looks like. BUT that doesn’t mean I should want it too, right? Or dedicate my life to having the same thing. I strongly believe that one should get married when one is ready and not just because everyone around her is doing it or telling her she “should be married already.” I also believe marriage is sacred. As much as I don’t see why I should do it, I believe that it is something you will have to work on once you submit to it. So I just don’t want to do it with anyone out of pressure and desperation. I also believe that having children does not make you a “better person” in the sense that you are fulfilling the expectation. Having children means you are ready to surrender your selfish acts and think of your child first before yourself. I also don’t see anything wrong if you delay having children or decide not have one. It’s always a choice and we have to respect each and everyone’s decision in life.
Body shaming and eating healthy
I admit I do not have the “perfect body” – like ones you see on magazines, bill board or like the Victorria’s Secret models. I swear, sometimes when I watch Victoria’s Secret fashion show online it makes me feel a bit insecure. But then again, I am not any of them. I have my own body, I have my own mind that actually works so why should I feel that bad?! I’ve seen some videos where some girls will say inspirational stuff. Saying why you should not feel insecure and you should love your body no matter what shape or size you have.
I think that’s exactly how it should be. There is no such thing as a perfect body. The body you have right now is already perfect. All shapes and sizes are perfect. I feel bad when some people tries their best to east healthy and work their ass off not because they want to actually be healthy but because they want to fit the “ideal body.” The body you see from models and celebrities… So encouraging.
I try to work out and keep a certain diet not because I want to look sexy. I just know that I have to take care of myself as much as I can so i don’t have to suffer so much once I am older and my body is too weak to fight diseases or complications. Like for example, I prefer to eat brown or red rice rather than white. Sometimes, some people will say “oh, so healthy I don’t like” or “why are you not eating rice? you don’t need to go on a diet, you’re already slim!” Well, life style is a choice. Diet is not only for “fat people.” It’s actually for everyone.
There was a time I used to go to the gym just so I can have regular physical activity and not feel lethargic especially at work. I was surprised when they told me “you don’t need to work out, you’re already slim.” Really?! people who works at the gym?! Gym is not for fat people and you guys should know that. You don’t tell someone “you’re already slim.” Everyone deserves to work out or by physically fit so I really don’t appreciate the compliment. I told them I just want to have regular work out and be fit so they eventually started selling me personal trainer program telling me that if I avail, in two weeks time I will see results and I will get abs. Results are not always measured physically nor having abs does not make you a healthy person. I don’t understand why everybody seems to go crazy over having abs or muscles to make you look “fit and healthy.” Not all “slim” people are healthy and not all “fat” ones are unhealthy.
Hairs, hairs, hairs!
I admit I am a bit particular with hairs but only in certain areas. Again, not because I want to please people or because that’s what the models look like but it’s a personal choice and vanity. I know the hairs are there for a reason and taking them off might not be a good idea but I try to do it with care and I do it responsibly.
On my first time to have my Brazilian waxing session when I moved to Indonesia, the lady said “Brazilian? You’re having sex, ya?!” I was really surprised. I have no idea how it was being viewed in this country but from that remark I already felt that’s how it seems to be for them. I politely said no. First of all, for someone who’s been doing it for several years now I know that having sex after that is not a good idea. It’s very risky to get some infections and that’s the last thing I want to happen.
I also noticed that removing hair down there is still a bit of an interesting topic for most girls. I’ve been asked if I do that because “guys like it more” because that’s what they heard and that’s what they see when they watch porn – clean shaven girls. You see, things like this should not be based on what is like-able or not by others. I don’t care if guys will like it “more.” So I always tell them this: I do it because I prefer it that way. Not to please others.
*** end of ranting – for now ***
Sometimes I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting old that it annoys me with these things. But I’ve been hearing this for a long time and I get the same feeling everytime. The pressure to be what the society expects you to be is getting higher and higher every year. People are forgetting how to live their life and actually enjoy it because of the standards we keep setting high. We forget what “self love” really means. Especially for girls. We seem to have higher expectations on what we should accomplish based on our age.
So my dear young and not so young girls, live a life the way you want it to be. Listen to your friends and family but don’t follow all the advices. Use your brain, be smart and see the world in a bigger picture. Don’t be scared of what other people will/might think. You don’t need to have a “perfect body.” You are already perfect, fears make you imperfect but hey, there’s nothing wrong with it! Eat that slice of cake you’ve been meaning to have. Don’t worry about gaining weight or being fat. Taste life, take things in moderation. You are more than what you think you are and can do.